Well, the past two days have been spent on shopping sprees in noho and the mall..
tons of cool deals.
ive convinced mom into letttin me get plugs.

Well its been awhile since I could get on here. I spent the last 5 days in the Pocono’s, mainly at my Aunt’s in Honesdale & Scranton. We came home last night. I had really missed being able to talk to my friends and being stuck watching Liz the whole time. She is complete terror and is definitely the reason why I do not want children anytime soon. But anyways, I hate this time of year. Alex’s mom won’t let her stay with me long weekend after she found Alex’s journal and read about how she has fooled around with a girl from her school and has feelings for her and stuff like that.(this I totally didn’t know until she called and told me last night)  So now her mom thinks she has gotten confused and will not be allowed to stay with me because I might be a drug dealer or brainwashing her. I really hate this, cause everytime I fall for someone something messes it up. This time is kinda different though. Alex acts like she can’t go a day without me. Idk.

On another note, im worried about muh dad. But there’s nothing I can do about it.

My mom’s pissed at me right now cause I’d rather be in my room watching Drumline and applying to another college than sitting upstairs watching some movie I have already seen and hate. I still don’t like this time of year. Yet again my parents didn’t want to really celebrate Christmas so it’s majorly boring here. And there is no snow! I was looking forward to going snowboarding, but when we got back from PA we found there is no snow. Its snowing in Texas but not here…what the heck is up wit that?

Omg I totally have to buy Drumline. I love this movie!!

Well, everyone, have an awesome Christmas.

Current shit:

Music: Falling For You-Jem

Mood: forlorn & sick

 

I can’t wait till this vacation is over. Even though my parents told me that we were going to go visit colleges in the south this vacation, I knew it was a lie. Even though they said I was allowed to go to Boston this week, it was a lie. I don’t know anymore. Every time I get my hopes up and I get excited to go and visit my friends, I'm not allowed to.

That’s why I now do not believe my mom when she says I am going to Mardi Gras in New Orleans or to Texas and England this summer to visit my girlfriend. Every time I get my hopes up they get crushed. There is really nothing to look forward to.

well its almost vaca. today and well pretty much the past three weeks have either rocked or been really bad, but im dealing. i got my grades up to the point where if i had 5 classes i could make head's list, but since i only take 4 it sucks majorly. music and dance tonight, looking forward to it yet really nervous all the same. i just hope we do well.
lalala im having so much fun lately. finally finished almost all the gifts i got for friends, so that 'scoolness. got an apppointment next week for something which totally rocks.
using alex's ipod right now so im in a really good mood. we finally kissed!!!!!!
hehe anywho.
im using my good grades to see if my rents will get me an ipod.

alex an i have told a few people. amy found out last night cause we were all flirty and such in the dining room after study hall so we outright asked her if she has knoticed anything different and she was like
Amy:  i knotice all things... are you a lesbian alex?
alex: i think so 

okay so yea this weekend was supposed to be closed weekend for tech and actresses..
friday i went to tech and then went home.
sat i slept in, went to school, found out that i should have been there early that morning and then went to the mall for 6hrs.. we went and sa briget jones and went shopping. then came back to school and found alex and aisling. so we all hung out till 11:20 when we checked in. mind you alex doesnt take her add meds. so she is completely out there last night. so we spent the night in her room. lets just say i have a few new questions and a whole lot of answers. we finally went to sleep after contuinuously waking her roomate up with our laughing. went to sleep after 4 am. then spent the whole day together.
we have made definete plans involving amy next weekend.. we just have to convince her to come spend time with us. ~_^
OMFG I AM SSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY and kinda horny.. okay yea no one wanted to know that...
tata.

i guess i just dont get it... why do these dumb bitches feel the need to stalk me. fucking come on. im not attractive and im not really fucking intrested.
and to the rest of the people who are trying to use me- fucking stop. i dont get why you have to try and control me. as my mother said to me after i told her about this one fucking phone call i got tonight, lincoln freed the slaves damnit. so if you want something from now on either fucking pay attention or do it yourself. im sure as hell no ones bitch, and im especially not yours. god i cant stand people like you and tyour need to control me.

so here's what i have to say to all of you who feel the need to do these things:

I AM MY OWN FUCKING PERSON... and there is NOTHING you can do about it.

so fuck you and have a nice night.
bastards.

im out.




mood: pissed. hurt.
music: forget about tomorrow-feeder.

thoughts: wnating to throttle something.

well i mainly spent the day alone at home doing nothing... absolutly nothing.. well im almost finished with the scarf i started friday, i went for a run and sat outside tanning, but thats about it. mom left at 3 am for work and dad, well hes not doing much of anything cept hes always in the woods or out for a ride... so i dont see him that much... being alone this much can drive a person crazy.. it really can.
my throat hurts like hell and i cough to the point where i stop breathing.. thats what happened last night... so pretty much i pass out and wake up sore from sleeping on my floor (which is a mess)
i havent eaten a healthy meal in over a week, mainly cause school food suxs and all we have here is sausage, kilbasa, chopped meat and pasta... i dont really eat any of that.. i ate the chopped meat cause i was hungry and there was nothing else. if ya didnt know, im now a really picky eater, and i dont eat most foods. which is prolly due to the fact that school food grosses me out and thats where i spend the majority of my time. thank god for the fact i only have lunch two-three times a weeek if im luck.. otherwise i have college counselling, extra help with teachers or drum lessons... lately i skip lunch cause im having a mental overload and i sit and cry. .. eh... long story.
im just having issues dealing with stuff.
if im not totally sad and crying im being held back by my friends/punching walls cause im so pissed off.  i think i have an anger issue. idk tho.
i really wish  merc would let alex be co manager with me for b-ball. otherwise i wont see her as much.

well yet another borrin day.. got up late... sat in my room online for a few too many hours, did my hair. put more stuff on mee so my skin doesnt hurt as much.. but thats what i get for going outside for long amounts of time when its sunny out... i burned really badly and now its starting to go tan thank god..
called alex for an hour or so.. i miss her terrible... shes miserable as usual at home.. she sometimes reminds me of the way i was a few years ago.. im gonna hate the end of the year and next cause im leaving her behind.. ive helped her overcome her fear of ppeople hugging or touching her.. and if you know me at all, i used to have an issue with taht.. sometiems i stilldo.. it depends on who the person is. shes also overcome her fear of phones... well that is when i call her.. she didnt want me to hang up. well, a week till  i see her again.

well.. the world pisses me off. i of course have lied to yet another friend telling her that we are still friends and she means the world to me... yea right after she was a backstabbing bitch.. i think not.

well last night was intresting.. thought i was gonna sleep but some people called me..
said i was gonna call alex, but i never did. i hope shes okay... i gotta call her tonight no matter how shitty i feel.
ive given up on josh.. fuck him. little skanky bastard. i now have finalized my thought about guys: they are all jackasses and im not gonna date em anymore.
stick with girls.. they are nicer anyways.
i still cant believe all this shit has happened over one little thing said by alex. whitney needs to learn to shut her fucking mouth sometime.